A small tribute to mental health day. I think it is important that we honor in our writing not only the composed, thorough thoughts but also the moments of disorientation and confusion.

 

I have felt it-

The chest sitting ear splitting-

Have you felt pressure that says

You need to have an important

Conversation?

 

It asks you to sit on your bed

Have you emptied it yet

Only a moment ago

To sleep on.

You

                                                                           Are not sleeping.

Going to university is defined by possibility. We leap from the extraordinary angst of teenage years into the anxiety of realizing potentials. We are surrounded with an exhilarating energy of learning and innovation.

It tells

You that you

 

Need to

Work it out

Because you have not

 Finished your reading again.

I have scheduled

Even my meals

In my head

Even my

Sleep

I do

Not sleep much

At times, even possibility can be cripplingly exciting. Suddenly, there is endless room to discover. Occasionally, it feels as if there is too much room. We are not used to keeping ourselves upright in such a large space of opportunity that does not come with step by step instructions.

Anymore.

It taps its branches

On your knee

They tap like frantic laughter

They cook your scheduled meals

They have turned your pages

Haven’t they

They have pierced your time

And laughed

 

You laughed

At the papers on your desk.

We lapse into comparison. Small anxieties feed on our self-assessment and they mature into feelings of inadequacy. It is not necessarily a crippling sensation. To be in a constant race with everything is part of the process, and you deserve slightly off-budget raspberry tea if you make it through the week without crying.

It asks the questions

Why do you so need to create?

And be rewarded

Am I not enough

Have I not pushed you am I a failure?

You have

But I need my own pressures too

You understand

Don’t you?

If we did not keep ourselves awake at night pushing for a few hours of extra reading or researching graduate degrees we would not be initiated properly into the adult world which we have only experienced through washing our clothes and buying fresh bread.

Don’t I

You ask

Of course

I do I just want you to wake up

Cradling me like your very own

Like you do.

Sometimes, it is so difficult to slow down; other times, everything feels like it is thick and slow. A lot of the time, we regret not having finished the reading which was impossible to finish because 48 hours of studying in an afternoon did not work out for once. It is important to reflect on our privilege and to be composed. But, part of being a student is starting your sentences with ‘but’ and forgetting to use commas. And that’s okay. Buy some raspberry tea.

Promise me you’ll cradle me

You’ll schedule meals and fear not

I’ll take care of you

I don’t really even exist

But it’s enough for you to feel I do

So if you fear me

I promise to take care of you.